I need to take a minute and address something very alarming. I read about this a few months ago and it has bothered me ever since. I am talking about the Safe Haven Laws. I believe almost every state has them, however, Nebraska has been under media attention lately because of the age limit loophole they left in the law. Basically, the safe haven laws are set up so people can drop off their newborns without getting prosecuted. Well, Nebraska left out the age part and a lot of teenagers have been getting dropped off. The state legislature has decided to change the drop off age to 30 days in order to stop older children from being abandoned. http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/11/19/nebraska.safe.haven/
I have trouble with all of this. First of all, it is very concerning that parents of teenagers and older children are feeling so overwhelmed they felt like they need to drop their kids off. Obviously something needs to be done. Being a parent is hard work and society is harder to deal with now. However, I can’t see how any parent, let alone one who has been raising their children for 10 or more years, could possibly want to disown their kids. I think Nebraska should take this as a wake up call and establish more free parenting classes and therapy for people who feel that overwhelmed. Interview the parents who have left their older children and find out why. I would bet that each of them would say they felt like there were no other options. Perhaps a lot of them wanted to keep their kids but maybe finances are really tight right now and they thought their kids would be better off with the state. Who knows what kind of reasons we would find if only we’d ask.
Second, allowing parents to drop off their newborns so easily scares me. The first month of a baby’s life can be so difficult. A newborn means very little sleep, there is a very strong possibility of postpartum depression setting in and not being diagnosed right away, and there is a whole new lifestyle to get used to. What I am trying to say is, the first month can be extremely overwhelming! i don’t know many moms who honestly have not broken down and cired in the first month. Even if you never get post partum depression, you will most likely have a very tiring day where you might not feel like you can be a mom. You’re human, it happens. You get some sleep, tlak to your best friend, take a bath, whatever and you feel better. Or, perhaps you get diagnosed with PPD. It could take a couple of weeks before anyone gets you to a doctor where you get diagnosed. How many moms are going to drop off their newborns and regret it? Are they going to be able to change their minds and get their babies back?
My sister just adopted a little boy who’s birth mother is a drug addict. This woman has had 7 kids and left them all. She had another baby 8 mos ago and my sister took him in. Well, the birth father of this boy thought it might be fun to be a father. The state is allowing supervised visits which continue now even though the mother is in rehab again. This woman does not care about any of her other children and if she does get this baby back, I honestly feel he would be in danager. This is one case where the mother should just walk away. In this state though, she still has parental rights even with her history. Now my sister and her family are put into turmoil because of the law. There is a possibilty that one day my sister will no longer have her foster son.
I guess what I am trying to say is that the system is broken. Legislatures seem to want to make laws that put bandaids on everything and one day they realize they messed up. So, they try and put a new bandaid on but create new problems. If every state would spend more resources on looking at each child and each family and really deciding what action is needed, this country would be better off. Let’s really try and help people. Don’t let newborns be abondonded without serisously screeening the parents. Maybe the mom is suffering from PPD, get her help! Find out why older kids are being left, get their famlies help!! More therapists need to donate their time to help. More family educators need to doante their time. if we all helped each other out, we wouldn’t need to worry about money all the time. But that is another blog. Until then, I will keep Nebraska and all families in my thoughts and hope the best for all the kids involved.