My son is now over two weeks old. We’ve been visiting relatives, to stores, and out to eat. Guess what? My baby has to eat when we’re out.
I don’t think much of breastfeeding in public. In fact, my family has always been so cool about breastfeeding that it’s hard for me to realize that not all of society accepts it. I have no problem breastfeeding at a table. In fact, I have no problems breastfeeding in front of my dad or my 14 year old nephew. At this point. I do put a blanket over me and the baby when we are out. Since he is so young yet, sometimes he needs help latching on, epically if we are somewhere with different noises. So for now, I use the blanket. When he is older, I will be able to discreetly lift part of my shirt. Anyway, I in no way “whip it out” when I am in public.
Anyway, two experiences lately made me remember that not everyone is comfortable with breastfeeding. The first one happened the other night in McDonald’s. My finance and I were childless except for the baby. We went to get some last minute Christmas shopping done and stopped for dinner. By this time, my son was hungry. Looking around the McDonald’s, I chose a table in the section by the bathrooms as it was almost empty and away from the main doors to avoid a draft. One other couple had just sat down and I sat with my back to them at the booth in front of them. They were an older, retired couple and as I started nursing my son and I realized that they might be uncomfortable with me nursing right there. Granted, they couldn’t see anything at all but I just got this vibe. Nobody said anything to me and we had a nice meal. It just made me feel kind of strange.
The next day, we went over to my soon to be in laws house. We had been running a few errands and by the time we got there, he was hungry. This was the third time we were around my in laws since he was born and the third time I got the impression that my mother in law is not comfortable with breastfeeding.
The first time was when they came to see us in the hospital. They stayed for a little while and then when the baby got fussy and I said he was hungry, she seemed to beeline out the door saying to her 9 year old daughter, “Come on, she has to feed the baby.” Okay, I didn’t think too much of it. After all, they had their visit and sometimes when she’s ready to go, she just wants to go.
A few days later they came over and when I nursed the baby, she went outside to have a cigarette. Again, I tried not to read too much into it. After all, I know she smokes but usually she’ll go longer without a cigarette when she’s at our house.
However, this time I am sure she’s uncomfortable. When I said that the baby was hungry, she offered me the guest room to feed him in. I was a little taken back but I smiled and said “Thank you but we’re fine here.” My fiance agrees that he thinks she’s uncomfortable because she never breastfed nor knew many if any- people who have.
This situation reminded me of another time. When my oldest was about 2 weeks old, we went to my ex husband’s aunt and uncle’s house for Thanksgiving. When we got there, I was told that they set up a chair in their bedroom for me to use to nurse the baby. Being a young mother and new to the family, I went ahead and used the room. His Aunt was not uncomfortable with breastfeeding as she nursed all 5 of ker kids. However, she was very conservative and she would hide away to nurse them. She assumed I felt the same way.
People will make comments and be uncomfortable, it’s a fact of life right now. I wish that people would ask me questions instead of being uncomfortable. For instance, ask me why I nurse my baby, I’ll tell you all the good I am doing. Ask me if I would like to go to another room, I will tell you I want to be with adult conversation and I see no reason to hide a baby while feeding them.
Some people might try to disguise their discomfort by trying to sound like they are being helpful. For instance, you might hear “Why don’t you go into the other room so the baby isn’t distracted by the noise?” First of all, would they be saying that if you had a bottle in your hand? Second, babies don’t seem very bothered by noise when they’re hungry. Babies who have older siblings especially are used to noise. Christmas is coming and I might have to go to another room to nurse then as there will be about 15 kids running around in my parents very small house. Add to that another 15 adults and it gets noisy, however, that is an extreme case. Most often, my children have been fine with the noise while nursing as newborns. Older babies do notice the noise more as they get nosey but that is a different story.
If you feel more comfortable nursing in private, then do so. However, do not let someone else’s comfort level dictate how you feed your baby.
I found this poem on the Canadian Lactivist site. She’s not sure who wrote it but shared it and I will share it as well. I think this syms it up nicely:
If a woman breastfeeds with her whole breast out of the shirt, there’s someone in the room wishing she would pull the shirt down a little more.
If she pulls her shirt down a little more, there’s someone in the room wishing she would put a blanket over her side boob, or cleavage.
If she blankets her boob, there’s someone wishing she would put the blanket over the baby’s head.
If she blankets her baby, there’s someone wishing she was in the corner.
If she moves to the corner, there’s someone wishing she would face the wall.
If she faces the wall, there’s someone wishing she would leave the room.
Can’t please ‘em all, so do what feels right to YOU, I say. But regardless of how you do it, keep nursing, ladies.
I like the shirt that says if nursing in public offends you, feel free to finish your meal in the bathroom with a blanket over your head! Thankfully I lived in Europe for both of mine and people there were OFFENDED if you covered up! How could they then admire how cute your baby was, and oh how well he latches and you are doing a good job mama! Even though I couldnt always understand the language, I did often enough to know that is what they were saying. Nobody else wants to have a blanket over their head while they eat, why should little people have to?
I do not like to see a baby nurse. It looks painful and it bothers me a little that way. But the biggest reasons are that I do not want to see someone elses breast especially while I am eating. Maybe a lot of men wouldn’t mind viewing it, and sometimes I think a woman likes the attention from other men, maybe she thinks now that I am not big, fat and pregnant, look at me. Or maybe is being kind of a rebel, breast feeding in public, like I have every right, like it or lump it. Well I have a right too and that is to avoid seeing your swollen vainy breast. Good for you that you are nursing your baby with your breast. It is better for the baby, yes I know, but it is your baby and your breast, so keep it out of my face. It should be a private time between mother and child to bond,to look into each others eyes, to coo, to pinch cheeks, not done in public, while carrying on conversations with others.If you think nursing is beneficial to baby, well so is bonding, try it.
Readers- I approved the above comment to show exactly what I am talking about. People are ignorant about lots of things and this is extremely true about breastfeeding. Nobody breastfeeds for attention or at least very very very very few people do. Being a rebel? Aren’t rebels people who do something different? Hmm, people have been breastfeeding since the dawn of time. I’m sorry but when i breastfeed, I put my breast in my baby’s face as it were, not anyone else’s. Yes, nursing mothers and babies share a special bond but breastfeeding is done to FEED babies. Breastfeeding should be just as private as bottle feeding. No, I take that back. Breastfeeding should be celebrated more then bottle feeding, it is the natural and healthy thing to do.
Thank you B.Foster for further proving my point.
I breast feed my 8 week old baby and I breastfed my daughter until she was one. I am proud to nurse. I do cover up when Im doing it in public but I take pride in it because I am doing what is best for my baby. I definilty dont do it for attention or anyone else but my baby. I dont need breastfeeding to bond with my baby. I think the problem with our culture is the sexuality that is placed on breasts. My 11 year old son sees me nurse all the time and I am trying to teach him that is why we have breasts not the imagine that society has placed on them. My mother in law was initially uncomfortable with breastfeeding but she has come around 100%.
I breastfeed my 3 month old daughter and plan to continue breastfeeding for her first year. When I first started going “out” with her I would go to the bathroom because I was embarrassed. But after a few more weeks of the same rutien, I got comfortable with it. I would just about DARE someone say something rude to me or even look at me and my baby like we were commiting a public crime. I think if you don’t want to see it, WELL THEN DON”T LOOK! It’s as easy as that. I wouldn’t dare take my daughter in a bacteria infested bathroom to feed her for the sake of some grumpy old hags! And children theses days need to see this and learn about it so when the time comes for their baby to eat they will make the right decision to breastfeed, and not feel “strange” about it because they see breasts as some sort of sexual arouhsment! It shouldn’t be that way. Even female has breasts and we shouldn’t hide them just because they’re bigger than men’s. I really wish I could meet with B. Foster I would feed right in her face. But really… we don’t do it to be rebels, it’s kindof a pain in the back if you ask me, but I have a baby that really needs it! So to you keep it up ladies! Be proud that your one of the few that can handle the responsiblity of breast feeding, because I know it is hard! TaTa
I make it a POINT to give nursing Mommies thumbs up even if it’s just a simple wave of the hand. I want them to know that not everyone looking at them nurse is staring them down or uncomfortable. I actually get REALLY grossed out by bottle feeding. It bothers me. I don’t know why.
I actually make a point of not “hiding away” to breastfeed; not because I want attention or to “put on a show”, but to help educate the next generation. If I can show my 2 year old son that it’s normal to (discreetly) breastfeed his baby sister when she’s hungry, he learns that it’s just part of life! It’s not an activity to be ashamed of, or to make a big fuss about. It’s what breasts are for. I like to think that in 20+ years, my son and his peers will encourage & support their partners to opt for breastfeeding their own babies.
We are mammals you like it or not the bottle is not our natural way to feed our newborns. Plus, it’s not an easy task moss B. Foster. You still need to continue taking care of your diet, not drinking or smoking, etc. You need to learn techniques to latch your baby, your back hurts. Look sweetheart if you are ashamed of you own body, you are so wrong. You need culture. I breastfeeding my baby because I want provide him with healthy life, and if there is somebody that gets bothered by seeing a mother feeding her son or daughter, they are so wrong.